Chapter 8 Vinny the VinnCycle and Farb

Vinny and Tommy blazed their way down the expressway, darting in between other vehicles. Vehicles that were already going way faster than anything Tommy had ever seen driving on the highway. It was like the autobahn to the third power, yet he felt no fear. It was as if nothing could stop them, every turn, orchestrated perfectly by the slightest movement of Vinny's powerful hands. Roadsigns streaked by so quickly that Blue couldn't believe he was able to read them. They seemed to be in English and everything was similar enough to his own reality to present a plethora of burger joints and pizza parlors punctuated by what Blue reasoned had to be churches.

The churches were massive buildings. Every one of them had a large eye framed in two squares rotated at a 45% angle to one another. Each citadel had the eye logo with a different phrase such as Farb Sees, Farb Lives, Farb Reigns, Farb Hears or Farb Knows, flashing into Blue's subconscious between doses of neon pepperoni and LED double cheeseburgers. By the time the journey came to an end, Blue had only one question on his mind. Who in God's name is Farb? He was so delirious from the ride, the jumpjuice or both that he forgot himself, blew his cover and blurted out, "Who is Farb anyway?" as he stumbled to the ground in his disoriented state. He quickly regained his senses as the ominous form of Vinny loomed over him and in a single effort lifted him handily from the ground as if he were tissue paper. Vinny's giant frame masked a gentleness that Blue instantly detected as Vinny lowered Tommy gracefully to a position where he could regain his footing saying,"Little bro, you must've really been shaken up by that trashy little Max. You've never cared about Farb, the Council or anything spiritual, period. Next thing I know, you're going to tell me you saw the light or something. I'm not leaving your side tonight. Now, let's get you inside where you can rest.

Chapter 8 Vinny and the VinnCycle

The ride home on Vinny's bike would certainly qualify as one of the most amazing motorcycle experiences of Blue's life if it weren't for one thing - Blue wasn't at all sure that this actually qualified as his life. After all, he wasn't really Blue and he wasn't the real Tommy either. Regardless, the ride was a trip! The bike was a monster. It made any Harley that Blue had ever seen look like a child's toy motorcycle. It wasn't only the biggest damn bike he had ever seen, it was also remarkably well appointed and comfortable, even for two big guys like Vinny and Tommy. In fact, the thing seemed to know him. Vinny was still shaking his head in disbelief at Tommy's choice of dinner mates as he approached the bike and said one word,"T-bone." It was all Blue could do to keep his composure as the bike altered its appearance instantly before his eyes, sprouting a second seat automatically, in accordance with the single command from Vinny. The seat wasn't just another pad that popped out of some hidden compartment behind Vinny's seat. It was a full-sized seat, nearly identical to Vinny's, that seemed to grow from the back of Vinny's seat, unfolding like a stop-motion or time-lapsed photographic sequence of the opening of an exotic, blossoming flower, adding a good three feet to the total length of the bike. Vinny climbed on and Blue quickly followed, careful not to hesitate, figuring that he must be T-bone and that this was not his first time as passenger on the "VinnCycle". The bike confirmed his supposition as it wrapped itself around his form, presenting him with custom fitted armrests. seemingly sculpted to the exact contour of his forearms. Just as he felt the urge to shift his weight, the bike repositioned the seat, bringing his body into a position of absolute comfort, creating a feeling of weightlessness.

"Let's ride!" Vinny howled.

Suddenly a voice like an amplified evangelist with a tracheotomy echoed, "Let's ride," and the bike shot forth with a burst of speed unlike anything Blue had ever felt. Oddly, he didn't really "feel" a thing. He simply recognized that they were moving forward with tremendous speed. In fact, he was so comfortable that he felt as though he could fall to sleep right then and there.

"JumpJuice time!" he heard Vinny whisper as he felt a short burst of effervescence sparkle across his face. Instantly he sensed everything around him as if it was passing through some sort of amplifier. It was as if even his sense of feeling was getting louder. It was as if his senses weren't actually functioning, no, it was as if they were functioning but so quickly that he was unable to detect their origin before an even greater sensation would take over. No, it was like his brain was functioning so quickly that his senses didn't have time to feel or hear or smell. No, it wasn't that either, it was simply that he could do nothing but laugh and drool. Then Blue heard a voice that seemed to come from inside his own head.

"That's my T-bone! Settle in little bro, it's jump time for the VinnCycle."

In the time it took for Blue to realize that Vinny was actually Tommy's brother his own body seemed as though it had melted away completely. The VinnCycle had transformed again. Blue couldn't feel himself being repositioned at all, but he was hyper-aware that his body was stretched out like Superman when he's flying at top speed. Almost directly below him and slightly ahead, he could see Vinny. It was as though he was riding piggy-back on Vinny but they weren't actually touching each other. Vinny seemed to be steering them with his hands alone. The technology in this cycle was beyond anything that Blue could have imagined possible, even in a so-called parallel universe.

Chapter 8 Vinny

A good head taller and fifty pounds heavier than Tommy, the biker wrapped his arms around him and began to sob.  "I thought I lost you, I heard you were dead, they told me that bitch Maxi-Pad blew a hole in your stomach,"  he continued as he gently released his grip cautiously backing up as he let go to look at Tommy's stomach.  As he did so,  he saw Max and Victor.  "YOU!!!"  He hollered and instantly lunged at Max.  Blue quickly caught hold of his arms barely keeping him off of Max who cried, "Tommy's okay, I swear, Vinny, he's fine".  She reached for her gun and felt Victor's hand already on it - she turned to him as he said "Max and I were just apologizing to Tommy, Vinny." 

"Oh, my Bastin' Farbunkle, you have got to be shittin' me, Tommy," Vinny turned on Tommy, gripping his shirt into a ball nearly lifting him off  the ground with one hand. 

"Sorry Vinny,"  Tommy said quietly, " let me explain."

"Tommy," Vinny said as he loosened his grip, "there is no way in farst that you are goin' t' be able to explain why you are sittin' at a table in Farb Damn Mickey's Diner with these two assholes!"

"Gimme a lift home, Vinny, and I'll try to do my best".

Chapter 7 Who Am Us? Answered - Sort of

Leer had handled Max perfectly, by giving her what she always wanted from Victor, a chance to be heard about anything, without fear that he might retaliate if she said anything he didn't want to hear. It was like the starting gun at the Preakness had just been fired. The sheer power of what burst forth from Max's mouth, a hundred thoroughbreds could not compete. Before it ended, a dozen plates and twice as many pitchers of coffee found their way to that booth at the far end of Mickey's diner only to be scraped clean or drained dry by the vociferous Max and Tommy and Victor who were uncharacteristically though thoroughly attentive to her every word. Before the night gave way to the dawn, Blue and Leer had the answers to every single question they had asked, however surreptitiously, and knew everything they needed to know to survive for at least a short time in this new world.

"Well, I guess it's time to go home," Tommy yawned as he patted his healed but bloated belly.

Nearly everything they needed to know.

Blue looked at Leer as both of them inwardly faced the realization that they had no idea where home was.

Just then Max said,"Well we're not taking you home with us Tommy," then she gave a menacing glance at Victor as she continued,"I realize that you guys are planning to stop fighting, and believe it or not, I think you're right, after all who wants to die, especially twice, but I'm not going to bring you to my house Levito.

"Well how 'bout droppin' me off at my place then," Tommy chimed in without mising a beat. Max looked deeply into Tommy's eyes, Blue's eyes looked back at her. Max suddenly felt remarkably self-concious as if Tommy was looking inside of her mind - reading her thoughts - thoughts of him, not only being in her house, but in her bed, so she said, "ummm".

The trio looked at one another in silence until the silence became timeless.

"Tommy! What the Bast!?" a big, bald, muscular biker shouted from the entrance to Mickey's diner. He stomped his way across the diner. Blue got to his feet, not sure if he should run or prepare to fight. Before he could run, the biker was on him.

Chapter 7 Who Am Us? and Who's Hungry Three Too

"So Max, enlighten me, how are we going to make Tommy Boy here work with us?"  Max stares dumbfoundedly at Victor then Tommy then Victor trying to work out the work with us concept for herself much less for Tommy.  "Let's put it this way, what if you were me and you wanted to stop the fighting, get over it, move on - what would you do?"  Leer asked. 

Max gave Victor a look that told him that he had never asked her for her opinion about anything, so why, now, when she would obviously not share his views on the situation, would he bother to ask for her opinion and said, "Victor, you have never asked for my opinion on anything so why on earth would you ask me now, when I obviously do not share your views on this whole situation."  Victor calmly replied, "Because Max, I just had my head kicked in and I'm not thinking clearly."  Max's expression turned from troubled to downright sour, "Bast yourself, Victor", Max sneared then crossed her arms and frowned into a sullen silence.  Tommy and Victor were speachless, mostly because Leer and Blue didn't know what "Bast yourself" meant, but it wasn't too hard to imagine.  It was now clear to Leer that Victor was a real pain in the neck in general and that it was going to be difficult if not impossible to be himself and Victor at the same time.  One thing he knew for certain, there was a reason he and Blue appeared where they did, when they did and he was going to figure it out.  "Listen Max," he said as soothingly as he thought Victor's character would allow, "I know I've been difficult to deal with in the past," Max lifted her eyes towards him, "but I promise I'm going to handle things a little differently now."  I smile warmed its way across Max's face as Victor's face flattened itself into what was left of his blue plate special as he squeaked out a "what the ffffff" doubling over to grab his balls where Max's steel-tipped heal was firmly lodged.  "Thought I'd better get that in before you changed your mind," she quipped as she withdrew her boot returning her foot to its rightful place below the table, harmlessly crossed over the ankle of her other leg.  Leer reluctantly choked a half-hearted "I guess I had it coming."

Chapter 7 Who Am Us? and Who's Hungry Three

Mickey's Diner in Rat Town is about as true to the definition of a greasy spoon railway car diner as any diner could be in this or any universe, parallel or otherwise. So it came as no surorize to Leer that the first words out of Max's mouth were, "Victor, I keep telling you that stuff is going to kill you!" when he ordered the blue plate special - double chesseburger with bacon, fried onions and mushrooms, devoid of vegetation and splattered with two heaping tablespoons of mayo, served with a fat garlic dill pickle and a combo basket of fries, onion rings and fried cheese curds on the side. This was a real shocker to Blue, who had always known John to be a vegetarian. His confusion nearly caused him to blurt out something that would have exposed them as someone other than who they claimed to be but he held his tongue. Instead, he set out to find clues upon his plate as to why his order was referred to as chicken fried steak. As he did so, Max confessed that she always got "wicked hungry" after she plugged somebody because it tended to rattle her nerves a bit but that this time she was going to have to be excused, forgiven or just plain tolerated for proceeding to devour two full sized racks of ribs because the guy she just plugged had only seconds earlier asked her to pas the salt.

In the silence that followed Victor quietly urges Max to refrain from mentioning death by cheeseburger ever again reminding her that he had just risen from the dead.  Saying something to the effect of "Hey Max, just lay off about the cheeseburger, I've already been beaten to death and I think I can safely say that I'd rather die of a heartattack." 

"Pounded" Tommy listlessly added - Max and Victor looked at him with surprise.

"Flattened" he added, oblivious to the stares now coming from Max and Victor.

"Look," Victor interjected "it's bad enough you beat me to death, you gotta insult me?"

"What?"  Tommy snaps out of his trance "huh, no, not you, the meat, it's flat, pulverized, I mean I can't even recognize it, sirloin, round steak, flank steak, eh, whatever, it's actually pretty tasty!"  Blue eats with conviction while Leer attempts surreptitiously get a handle on Rat Town by playing on Max's obvious need for attention.

Chapter 7 Who Am Us? and Who's Hungry Too

"Max", Leer grins as he puts his arm around her, "Tommy here gets the impression that you don't like him. I don't know if it's the hole you shot in his guts that's mixing him all up or if he's just a little dazed from hunger. So, why don't you buy us all a little dinner. You see, while I was dying a short time ago, a thought came to me, an epiphany, a new direction."

Maxed scowled at Victor then ranted," A new direction? An epiphany? Dinner with Tommy? Have you lost your mind? What do you think my dad is going to say about this?" Max barely caught her breath,"and DYING? Victor , you weren't dying, you were dead. Your skin was already turning cold. I felt it with my own hands! Now, you come back from the dead AND you suddenly want to play nicey nice with Tommy Levito? You expect me to accept that? AND you want me to buy you guys dinner? I ought to plug both of you right now! Max reaches down for her gun but Leer's hand is already between her legs, where she keeps her weapon. He has the piece, barrel to her crotch. She tenses up and reaches out for his throat with her blade, as she does, she notices that Victor's other hand is holding his own gun to her temple. Her eyes roll silently skyward in resignation. She drops her arms and her mouth turns to a pout.

"Max, c'mon now, I know it's hard to accept that I'm standing here, alive, in front of you, without a scar on me after the final beating of my life, but isn't it easier to accept than an early grave for yourself? Besides, I wouldn't want to waste such a lovely girl over a little misunderstanding."

Max reluctantly softens and with quiet sarcasm replies, "Misunderstanding? Is that what you call simultaneous resurrections - a misunderstanding?"

"It's OK, relax," says Victor as he lowers his gun and gently places her gun back into the holster between her legs. "C'mon, let's eat."