Blue had an idea he had to pass on. He said that the business card he gave to Neil Gaiman had the answer in it.
The other thing he said is that the book should be named "BLUE 1 body 2 lives". He didn't say the thing about the capital letters or numbers for words. A lot of what Blue does happens without words.
Simple choices can cause great change.
Leer was just as confused as anyone else. In fact, he couldn't remember anything that happened to him in the past five days. That didn't matter half as much as the fact that he couldn't recognize anyone. No one. There was not a single face around him that looked the least bit familiar, not even Blue, who was there. He just wasn't familiar.
The more he looked around, the more he realized that no one was making any sense. It was as though anyone who was in a conversation was saying nothing of substance to nobody. No one was actually talking to another person in the room. They just spoke as though they were.
Leer knew that he had been tricked, or at least all of his senses had been tricked but that was to become unimportant as most of the people in the room dissolved into tiny droplets tumbling away like miniature gymnasts.
"Hello Mr. Leer, I'm Farb." Farb welcomed Leer as if waking him from dreaming. Blue was smiling while directing his eyes from Leer to a large pile of money in the corner of the room. Leer followed his gaze long enough for Farb to recognize that both men were looking at the cash.
"You are beth welcome to take as much of that as you like", FARB SAID, his voice was also too similar for Blue to take.
"Farb", Blue said. "Do you know that you look EXACTLY like Obama?" Blue realized in that same instant that he was Obama.
Blue
an illustrated novel
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Chapter 23 New Old Songs
"Farb", all but Blue and Leer said in unison, shoulder to shoulder, mouths agape as the "B" trails off into a "b-a-a-a-ah-h-h-hhh".
"So, that's what it's like here, eh?" Blue asked as he watched the transfixed eyes of the "band" flicker one by one back to the now. When he was sure that he had the full attention of all he continued,"because where I come from, there are a whole bunch of people who say "God!" in exactly the same way that you people say "Farb", but they are only a small portion of my world's population..."
"You can't be serious!?" Rory started laughing to himself. He stopped laughing and looked at Blue.
"Why are you here?", he spit out like a bad grape.
"Farb needs my help", he said candidly as he watched Rory's eyes turn from befuddled amusement to thoughtful reasoning, doubt, reasoning, awe, and eventually fear. It was the equivalent of someone questionong the guy who wants to meet Jesus so he can help him and it turns out to be God the Father who art in heaven...and so on..."Do you like the view?" Blue continued as though being confused with God was commonplace. As there was no immediate answer, Blue continued,"I have brought you all here to help Kevin make a record." They all looked at him as though he was stupid for not recognizing that at least that was obvious in this situation despite the fact that nothing else was. "Kevin", Blue said with a nod of his head and a shift in his eyes implying that Kevin take over.
Kevin responded with a blank stare, deer in the headlights, fish out of water, blank...
"Oh!," Blue said,"sorry," he recognized that the musicians were still entirely captivated by the view. To be truthful, it was among the best views on the planet."Don't hurry, we have as long as it takes", he said, he didn't mean it to sound threatening. It did.
All of the musicians turned their gaze from the spectacular view. Blue started to wave his hands over one another as though creating a globe from thin air. He looked upon them. Each had a unique expression of exactly the same emotion. To be more precise, it was a combination of emotions, and that combination went something like,"I think that is really cool, while at the same time, I feel as though my mind has just been dumped in a bucket of ice and I am limited to one thought, and that thought is ... I am limited to one thought."
"So, that's what it's like here, eh?" Blue asked as he watched the transfixed eyes of the "band" flicker one by one back to the now. When he was sure that he had the full attention of all he continued,"because where I come from, there are a whole bunch of people who say "God!" in exactly the same way that you people say "Farb", but they are only a small portion of my world's population..."
"You can't be serious!?" Rory started laughing to himself. He stopped laughing and looked at Blue.
"Why are you here?", he spit out like a bad grape.
"Farb needs my help", he said candidly as he watched Rory's eyes turn from befuddled amusement to thoughtful reasoning, doubt, reasoning, awe, and eventually fear. It was the equivalent of someone questionong the guy who wants to meet Jesus so he can help him and it turns out to be God the Father who art in heaven...and so on..."Do you like the view?" Blue continued as though being confused with God was commonplace. As there was no immediate answer, Blue continued,"I have brought you all here to help Kevin make a record." They all looked at him as though he was stupid for not recognizing that at least that was obvious in this situation despite the fact that nothing else was. "Kevin", Blue said with a nod of his head and a shift in his eyes implying that Kevin take over.
Kevin responded with a blank stare, deer in the headlights, fish out of water, blank...
"Oh!," Blue said,"sorry," he recognized that the musicians were still entirely captivated by the view. To be truthful, it was among the best views on the planet."Don't hurry, we have as long as it takes", he said, he didn't mean it to sound threatening. It did.
All of the musicians turned their gaze from the spectacular view. Blue started to wave his hands over one another as though creating a globe from thin air. He looked upon them. Each had a unique expression of exactly the same emotion. To be more precise, it was a combination of emotions, and that combination went something like,"I think that is really cool, while at the same time, I feel as though my mind has just been dumped in a bucket of ice and I am limited to one thought, and that thought is ... I am limited to one thought."
Friday, February 24, 2012
Chapter 22 - Kool Been, or How Blue Met Farb cont.2
"Are you seriously telling me that ALL of this music is yours?" Leer asked Kevin with just a little disbelief. The archive was substantial. The man had half a dozen projects where he became a different performer, his least favorite being Kool.
"Yeah, that's what's out there at least." Kevin brushed aside as though crafting music was like milling flour.
"Do you have more than this?" Leer continued in admiration as he popped another disc into the player.
"Lots." Kevin laughed, leaned back, laughed again and said,"lots!"
"You should record them." Leer said immediately.
"I was thinking about it," Kevin said,"but I thought that some people might think it was weird for an old rocker to..."
"You should" Blue stated. Kevin stopped talking and looked at Blue. Blue continued to look at Kevin, deeply,"You should record that music and release it right away." He smiled brightly at Kevin. "We'll help you."
Kevin stood transfixed by Blue's gaze but had the wits to say "How can you guys help me?"
Instantly, Blue was inches away from Kevin's face, breathing Kevin's air."Who would you like to play with?" Blue asked as he slid backwards across the room, effortlessly, smoothly. "Anyone!" Blue assured.
Kevin looked at Blue thoughtfully. Blue didn't seem to care about the outcome. Blue simply kept coming. Like he knew what Kevin wanted to do and was just going to keep at it until it happened. It was true, Kevin did want to get one band together, his own superband, but getting them all together would be..."Anyone", Blue reassured, his eyes trained on Kevin.
The moment before the moment Kevin said "Rory Thompson", Blue knew who Rory was and where to find him. As he let the name finish leaving Kevin's mouth he imagined the surprise both men would have when Kevin popped into Rory's life. However, one of the things that Blue had not adjusted to yet was the amazing speed with which everything could be done. Now.
by him. So
his vision of the two men's surprise was replaced by actual surprise as he simply imagined the two men together and they were.
"Kevin!" Rory exclaimed as he found himself sitting directly across from Kevin in a back corner booth in a bar on the slightly more affluent side of the slightly less affluent corner of the marginally affluent district of RatTown known as MidTown. "What in Varst are you doin' here? Farb-Damn, what am I doin' here?" Rory said in an accent which Blue would normally expect from Kentucky, not on some other planet, light years away from or perhaps more appropriately, dimensionally incongruent to Earth. Kevin tilted his head in the direction of Blue, who smiled at Rory. Rory gave a look like something just snagged in his underwear and he was afraid to move because the pain might get worse. Blue looked back to Kevin who recognized the cue in Blue's gaze.
"Drummer" Kevin said. "Butch Patrick" Rory and Kevin said in unison, and before they finished laughing at the spontaneous, identical choice, Butch was sitting in the booth, slightly wedged between the two of them.
Butch was about to speak when a beautiful waitress arrived with a half-dozen beers on a tray, spilling her bust line directly into Butch's face while sliding a cold beer right under his dropped jaw. She neatly placed a beer in front of each of them until she realized that there was one more beer than persons at the table.
"Just set that one right there, please, she'll be joining us in a minute." Blue politely requested as the other men drooled over the waitress, the beer and the complete absurdity of the situation. Leer was simply drooling over the beer as he had little interest in the other things.
"She?" Kevin asked, pretending not to know who the obvious choice for lead guitar would be,"you said she will be here in a minute", Kevin squinted into Blue's eyes, trying to determine how much he might know about his own feelings toward the "She" in question. "If you're thinking of who I'm thinking of," Kevin continued,"you might as well forget it. She isn't going to want to play with me." That isn't what he meant at all. What he meant, what he felt, was that he didn't even want to try to play with her. She could play any style of music superbly, had played with all of the greats and played to sold out crowds in three different bands. Kevin played to sold out crowds everywhere he played, so it would seem perfectly reasonable to think that playing with her would be no problem, and the truth of it was that there wouldn't be a problem, she adored Kevin's music."I just don't want to disappoint her," he admitted,"I mean, Farb-Damn, Cozi is the best!"
"Bastin' Farbunkle!", Kevin turned around to see Cozi staring up at him from an end of the booth, right next to Leer, just behind the tall glass of beer which Blue had ordered for her. She had appeared just as suddenly as Butch but her hair was still wet from the shower she had just stepped out of only moments ago. In fact, when she appeared, she was still slightly crouched forward about to put her second shoe on her foot."Kevin?" she continued breathlessly, still trying to take it all in.
Together, in a single voice of pure astonishment, Rory and Butch exclaimed," Cosi! Oh Varst! This is gonna be HOT!" They laughed and hugged each other while mutually drooling over Cosi.
"Cosi..." Kevin was going to say more...
"What in Varst is going on?!" Cozi demanded the moment her voice returned. She barked out of fear,"How did I get HERE?"
"Cosi" Blue said her name with the perfect amount of softness and edge and his voice's sound carved a path directly to her soul. She instantly calmed. "I have brought you here to help us. If you will." He said it with such humility yet he had just snatched her from her bedroom where she had just barely gotten dressed. "It's cold", Blue softened his voice slightly, his eyes leading hers to the tall beer in front of her,"and we need you."
Cosi looked around at the men at the table. There was no doubt what they wanted to do, for her, it would be a dream and only she knew how much. She looked at Kevin. He was now wondering whether Blue was going to seduce her. He was wondering whether he was going to seduce her. He was wondering if Rory and Butch were going to try to do it together, or go it alone. Suddenly, his only problem entailed keeping his mind on the music. Cozi said,"I'm in!" her eyes draped over Kevin's silhouette.
"Yeah, that's what's out there at least." Kevin brushed aside as though crafting music was like milling flour.
"Do you have more than this?" Leer continued in admiration as he popped another disc into the player.
"Lots." Kevin laughed, leaned back, laughed again and said,"lots!"
"You should record them." Leer said immediately.
"I was thinking about it," Kevin said,"but I thought that some people might think it was weird for an old rocker to..."
"You should" Blue stated. Kevin stopped talking and looked at Blue. Blue continued to look at Kevin, deeply,"You should record that music and release it right away." He smiled brightly at Kevin. "We'll help you."
Kevin stood transfixed by Blue's gaze but had the wits to say "How can you guys help me?"
Instantly, Blue was inches away from Kevin's face, breathing Kevin's air."Who would you like to play with?" Blue asked as he slid backwards across the room, effortlessly, smoothly. "Anyone!" Blue assured.
Kevin looked at Blue thoughtfully. Blue didn't seem to care about the outcome. Blue simply kept coming. Like he knew what Kevin wanted to do and was just going to keep at it until it happened. It was true, Kevin did want to get one band together, his own superband, but getting them all together would be..."Anyone", Blue reassured, his eyes trained on Kevin.
The moment before the moment Kevin said "Rory Thompson", Blue knew who Rory was and where to find him. As he let the name finish leaving Kevin's mouth he imagined the surprise both men would have when Kevin popped into Rory's life. However, one of the things that Blue had not adjusted to yet was the amazing speed with which everything could be done. Now.
by him. So
his vision of the two men's surprise was replaced by actual surprise as he simply imagined the two men together and they were.
"Kevin!" Rory exclaimed as he found himself sitting directly across from Kevin in a back corner booth in a bar on the slightly more affluent side of the slightly less affluent corner of the marginally affluent district of RatTown known as MidTown. "What in Varst are you doin' here? Farb-Damn, what am I doin' here?" Rory said in an accent which Blue would normally expect from Kentucky, not on some other planet, light years away from or perhaps more appropriately, dimensionally incongruent to Earth. Kevin tilted his head in the direction of Blue, who smiled at Rory. Rory gave a look like something just snagged in his underwear and he was afraid to move because the pain might get worse. Blue looked back to Kevin who recognized the cue in Blue's gaze.
"Drummer" Kevin said. "Butch Patrick" Rory and Kevin said in unison, and before they finished laughing at the spontaneous, identical choice, Butch was sitting in the booth, slightly wedged between the two of them.
Butch was about to speak when a beautiful waitress arrived with a half-dozen beers on a tray, spilling her bust line directly into Butch's face while sliding a cold beer right under his dropped jaw. She neatly placed a beer in front of each of them until she realized that there was one more beer than persons at the table.
"Just set that one right there, please, she'll be joining us in a minute." Blue politely requested as the other men drooled over the waitress, the beer and the complete absurdity of the situation. Leer was simply drooling over the beer as he had little interest in the other things.
"She?" Kevin asked, pretending not to know who the obvious choice for lead guitar would be,"you said she will be here in a minute", Kevin squinted into Blue's eyes, trying to determine how much he might know about his own feelings toward the "She" in question. "If you're thinking of who I'm thinking of," Kevin continued,"you might as well forget it. She isn't going to want to play with me." That isn't what he meant at all. What he meant, what he felt, was that he didn't even want to try to play with her. She could play any style of music superbly, had played with all of the greats and played to sold out crowds in three different bands. Kevin played to sold out crowds everywhere he played, so it would seem perfectly reasonable to think that playing with her would be no problem, and the truth of it was that there wouldn't be a problem, she adored Kevin's music."I just don't want to disappoint her," he admitted,"I mean, Farb-Damn, Cozi is the best!"
"Bastin' Farbunkle!", Kevin turned around to see Cozi staring up at him from an end of the booth, right next to Leer, just behind the tall glass of beer which Blue had ordered for her. She had appeared just as suddenly as Butch but her hair was still wet from the shower she had just stepped out of only moments ago. In fact, when she appeared, she was still slightly crouched forward about to put her second shoe on her foot."Kevin?" she continued breathlessly, still trying to take it all in.
Together, in a single voice of pure astonishment, Rory and Butch exclaimed," Cosi! Oh Varst! This is gonna be HOT!" They laughed and hugged each other while mutually drooling over Cosi.
"Cosi..." Kevin was going to say more...
"What in Varst is going on?!" Cozi demanded the moment her voice returned. She barked out of fear,"How did I get HERE?"
"Cosi" Blue said her name with the perfect amount of softness and edge and his voice's sound carved a path directly to her soul. She instantly calmed. "I have brought you here to help us. If you will." He said it with such humility yet he had just snatched her from her bedroom where she had just barely gotten dressed. "It's cold", Blue softened his voice slightly, his eyes leading hers to the tall beer in front of her,"and we need you."
Cosi looked around at the men at the table. There was no doubt what they wanted to do, for her, it would be a dream and only she knew how much. She looked at Kevin. He was now wondering whether Blue was going to seduce her. He was wondering whether he was going to seduce her. He was wondering if Rory and Butch were going to try to do it together, or go it alone. Suddenly, his only problem entailed keeping his mind on the music. Cozi said,"I'm in!" her eyes draped over Kevin's silhouette.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Chapter 22 - How Blue met Farb cont.
"Farb!," I mean it man, Kevin looked at Blue and Leer with the look that says "You probably think I'm full of it or too plastered to know what I'm talking about but the next thing I'm about to say is honest to Farb truth!"... and it was. The men had been talking for awhile when Kevin stood up... "Farb himself, standing backstage waiting for me!" Kevin went on, "I nearly pissed myself right there, Varst, I was one of the non-believers. There's no such thing as Farb, he's just a construct of our collective imagination, or worse, he's a method by which the Council of Seven can manipulate everything, I'd say everything but,'I believe in Farb', but sure enough, there he was." Kevin dropped his eyes to the floor then brought them back up to meet Blue's. "Why do you want to meet Farb?"
"He needs my help", Blue stated with the casual significance of someone mentioning that a plant needs watering or a pet dish needs filling, not the kind of significance Kevin expected when referring to anything dealing with Farb. Kevin had met him. He had never believed in him until he met him. Seeing is believing fit Kevin's take on Farb perfectly. Farb was indeed a supreme being. In the short time that Kevin spent with Farb, he witnessed miracles. He personally traveled to the far side of A12, practically the other side of the planet in minutes. Minutes which showed him amazing things. Things he had learned about and those of which he had no knowledge played out before him like a holographic projection, peppered with intense bursts of pitch black and blinding light, slicing through like a ninja horizon.
He laughed at Blue mercilessly. "You, He?! HA!, He-HA!" at this point, Kevin was just plain messing with Blue. "Sorry, man, but Farb is like, the shit man! He can do anything, what makes you think YOU can help HIM?!" Kevin begged.
Blue stood up. Kevin instantly felt nervous. Blue stood up like he was going to do something then he nodded toward Leer as he casually saluted. Leer reached into his own shirt pocket and withdrew a small bottle. Kevin's eyes lit upon the glass, its shimmering liquid calling to him from within its crystal prism, prison,"perfect! JUICE!".
Kevin liked it when people brought JumpJuice to his house, provided they were the type of people he wanted to Juice with. He assumed that Blue and Leer wanted to Juice and that was all, but...
"Kevin," Blue said as he sprayed the juice directly at Kevin who breathed it in like drinking,"you can have all of this Juice and more if you introduce me to Farb". Kevin's smile of intoxication widened into a grin with a carriage house.
Kevin knew things now that he didn't know then and one of them was happening now. He was in the presence of a higher presence and it wasn't just the JumpJuice talkin'. At that moment, Kevin felt no guilt, no shame, no remorse and no dissatisfaction. He felt at peace, he said, "Yeah man, I'll take you to Farb, Bastin' Right!, I'll take you to Farb!"
Blue drank in a long plug from the Juice, even though he didn't need it. Blue tossed the Juice to Leer and he hit it twice. Farb needed help , "but Damn, that's some fuckin' good shit!"
"huh?"
"nevermind."
"He needs my help", Blue stated with the casual significance of someone mentioning that a plant needs watering or a pet dish needs filling, not the kind of significance Kevin expected when referring to anything dealing with Farb. Kevin had met him. He had never believed in him until he met him. Seeing is believing fit Kevin's take on Farb perfectly. Farb was indeed a supreme being. In the short time that Kevin spent with Farb, he witnessed miracles. He personally traveled to the far side of A12, practically the other side of the planet in minutes. Minutes which showed him amazing things. Things he had learned about and those of which he had no knowledge played out before him like a holographic projection, peppered with intense bursts of pitch black and blinding light, slicing through like a ninja horizon.
He laughed at Blue mercilessly. "You, He?! HA!, He-HA!" at this point, Kevin was just plain messing with Blue. "Sorry, man, but Farb is like, the shit man! He can do anything, what makes you think YOU can help HIM?!" Kevin begged.
Blue stood up. Kevin instantly felt nervous. Blue stood up like he was going to do something then he nodded toward Leer as he casually saluted. Leer reached into his own shirt pocket and withdrew a small bottle. Kevin's eyes lit upon the glass, its shimmering liquid calling to him from within its crystal prism, prison,"perfect! JUICE!".
Kevin liked it when people brought JumpJuice to his house, provided they were the type of people he wanted to Juice with. He assumed that Blue and Leer wanted to Juice and that was all, but...
"Kevin," Blue said as he sprayed the juice directly at Kevin who breathed it in like drinking,"you can have all of this Juice and more if you introduce me to Farb". Kevin's smile of intoxication widened into a grin with a carriage house.
Kevin knew things now that he didn't know then and one of them was happening now. He was in the presence of a higher presence and it wasn't just the JumpJuice talkin'. At that moment, Kevin felt no guilt, no shame, no remorse and no dissatisfaction. He felt at peace, he said, "Yeah man, I'll take you to Farb, Bastin' Right!, I'll take you to Farb!"
Blue drank in a long plug from the Juice, even though he didn't need it. Blue tossed the Juice to Leer and he hit it twice. Farb needed help , "but Damn, that's some fuckin' good shit!"
"huh?"
"nevermind."
Monday, February 6, 2012
Chapter 22 - Kool Been, or How Blue Met Farb Soon
Kevin doesn't live like most of the rock stars on the Phantasy label. He has a nice home, not a mansion, a nice studio, grand piano and ample sustenance with the working knowledge of a trained chef right there in his own hands. He answers his own door, but rarely answers his own door. Kevin should have been Sol, Solitude, should have had a cool name like Perfect, Sal's top grossing artist of all time, that would have been Kool. Kev used to be Kool. A name Sal suddenly put on everything for a relatively short period of time before Kevin got the larangitis.
Kevin just goes by Kevin.
"Barry?!", he said as he extended his hand to Blue, looking through Stan who had stepped aside for Sal who was downright invisible compared to Blue. Kevin looked really happy to see Blue/Barry.
"No, Blue." "Kevin?" Blue responded.
"Damn, Yes, I mean, Varst, you look just like my brother Barry, man. C'mon in." Kevin turned back toward his own door and headed in saying hello to Sal and Stan with little or no interest. As they entered the living room, Kevin turned toward Leer, "Excuse me. Kevin," he said as he held his hand toward Leer. The men shook hands. "Sit, please, can I get..."
"Kevin," Sal interupted, "These gentlemen have just arrived and were wondering if you might do them a favor", Sal sad smugly as he adressed Kevin as if to say he actually had anything to do with these two men.
"What do you want?" Kevin asked bluntly yet respectfully.
Blue answered plainly. "We want to meet Farb."
"Ha!" You ARE Barry!" Kevin laughed to himself with a laugh that goes something like the springing forth of the bubbling crude, just a little at first with sudden flare-ups, then slightly louder slighly less suppressable bursts until, gushing. Until, nothing but silence..
All of the men sat or stood looking at one another while Kevin tried to determine just how real this situation was. He weighed the look which passed between Sal and Blue, Sal clearly taking the back seat while trying to pass off a disinterested chuckle into the back of his hand. Stan simply sat smiling at Kevin. Leer read the spines of Kevin's books to himself with great interest.
Then Blue stood up.
"I am very pleased to have met you, Kevin" Blue said in earnest, "I am sorry to bardge in then leave so abruptly."
Kevin looked disappointed because he felt disappointed. He said nothing.
"But that's okay because I am not leaving. Stan, thank you for the ride. Sal, I will see you again" Blue said as he moved toward Sal. Stan took his cue well and moved across the room toward the front door. Sal made no motion to get up. Blue leaned over the couch and placed a hand on Sal's shoulder. With the same steady movement of his normal gait he continued walking. As he did, Sal was lifted, seemingly effortlessly from the couch. Sal's eyes widened, his tiny hairs tensed, his sweat started sweating and he found himself walking. Inaudible drivel dribbled off of his tongue to the effect of "okay bye" but it was clear that he had already checked out. This had been an exceptionally bad day for Sal. He was ready to go home.
The moment the door closed all three men burst out laughing, each for his own reasons. Kevin felt that he had that laugh coming for a very long time. He was laughing right through the memories he wished he could have forgotten. Memories like the one limo ride from Varst when Sal decided that it would be fun to sing one of Kevin's songs back to him. Most people hate the sound of the drill at the dentist's office. Kevin had always hated it more than most. The sound of Sal singing his own song back to him was like the sound of that drill being forced from the lips of a gigantic ass-face. It takes a large laugh to laugh through that. Leer was laughing because the last time he saw Blue they were in the bodies of arch rivals and couldn't let on that they knew each other and now, Blue had unlocked his power and they were telling the guy who owned RatTown what to do. Blue was laughing because he was nervous as hell that he was actually going to meet Farb and laughing at Sal was just so rewarding!
"Blue, I don't know how you did it but I'm sure someone else will," Kevin started after the laugh subsided," and I am fairly certain I can get you all together."
Blue didn't want to let Kevin know everything that was going on but he sensed that Kevin would be one of the guys that he actually could tell. For now, Blue needed some information from Kevin and judging by some of the objects within Blue's view, it wasn't a great leap for Blue to suggest a drink. Nor was Blue suggesting that Kevin get him a drink. Reaching alongside the couch onto which he had laughed himself, Blue pulled out a grocer's bag which neatly held a bottle of whiskey and an ice cold twelve-pack. With little prompting, Kevin had laid out the appropriate glassware and the men began to talk.
Kevin just goes by Kevin.
"Barry?!", he said as he extended his hand to Blue, looking through Stan who had stepped aside for Sal who was downright invisible compared to Blue. Kevin looked really happy to see Blue/Barry.
"No, Blue." "Kevin?" Blue responded.
"Damn, Yes, I mean, Varst, you look just like my brother Barry, man. C'mon in." Kevin turned back toward his own door and headed in saying hello to Sal and Stan with little or no interest. As they entered the living room, Kevin turned toward Leer, "Excuse me. Kevin," he said as he held his hand toward Leer. The men shook hands. "Sit, please, can I get..."
"Kevin," Sal interupted, "These gentlemen have just arrived and were wondering if you might do them a favor", Sal sad smugly as he adressed Kevin as if to say he actually had anything to do with these two men.
"What do you want?" Kevin asked bluntly yet respectfully.
Blue answered plainly. "We want to meet Farb."
"Ha!" You ARE Barry!" Kevin laughed to himself with a laugh that goes something like the springing forth of the bubbling crude, just a little at first with sudden flare-ups, then slightly louder slighly less suppressable bursts until, gushing. Until, nothing but silence..
All of the men sat or stood looking at one another while Kevin tried to determine just how real this situation was. He weighed the look which passed between Sal and Blue, Sal clearly taking the back seat while trying to pass off a disinterested chuckle into the back of his hand. Stan simply sat smiling at Kevin. Leer read the spines of Kevin's books to himself with great interest.
Then Blue stood up.
"I am very pleased to have met you, Kevin" Blue said in earnest, "I am sorry to bardge in then leave so abruptly."
Kevin looked disappointed because he felt disappointed. He said nothing.
"But that's okay because I am not leaving. Stan, thank you for the ride. Sal, I will see you again" Blue said as he moved toward Sal. Stan took his cue well and moved across the room toward the front door. Sal made no motion to get up. Blue leaned over the couch and placed a hand on Sal's shoulder. With the same steady movement of his normal gait he continued walking. As he did, Sal was lifted, seemingly effortlessly from the couch. Sal's eyes widened, his tiny hairs tensed, his sweat started sweating and he found himself walking. Inaudible drivel dribbled off of his tongue to the effect of "okay bye" but it was clear that he had already checked out. This had been an exceptionally bad day for Sal. He was ready to go home.
The moment the door closed all three men burst out laughing, each for his own reasons. Kevin felt that he had that laugh coming for a very long time. He was laughing right through the memories he wished he could have forgotten. Memories like the one limo ride from Varst when Sal decided that it would be fun to sing one of Kevin's songs back to him. Most people hate the sound of the drill at the dentist's office. Kevin had always hated it more than most. The sound of Sal singing his own song back to him was like the sound of that drill being forced from the lips of a gigantic ass-face. It takes a large laugh to laugh through that. Leer was laughing because the last time he saw Blue they were in the bodies of arch rivals and couldn't let on that they knew each other and now, Blue had unlocked his power and they were telling the guy who owned RatTown what to do. Blue was laughing because he was nervous as hell that he was actually going to meet Farb and laughing at Sal was just so rewarding!
"Blue, I don't know how you did it but I'm sure someone else will," Kevin started after the laugh subsided," and I am fairly certain I can get you all together."
Blue didn't want to let Kevin know everything that was going on but he sensed that Kevin would be one of the guys that he actually could tell. For now, Blue needed some information from Kevin and judging by some of the objects within Blue's view, it wasn't a great leap for Blue to suggest a drink. Nor was Blue suggesting that Kevin get him a drink. Reaching alongside the couch onto which he had laughed himself, Blue pulled out a grocer's bag which neatly held a bottle of whiskey and an ice cold twelve-pack. With little prompting, Kevin had laid out the appropriate glassware and the men began to talk.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Chapter 22 - TMF - Kool
Blue sat directly across from Sal in one of Sal's larger limos with a face that politely reminded... farb.
Sal was stunned to be comfortably sitting on his ass, in his favorite limo, with his driver, Stan at the wheel. He relaxed into the ride, pulling a glass from the limo's china cabinet, he poured himself one, drinking it down with the relish of a dying man getting every possible last pleasure in, before passing on to Farb knows what.
"Let's go Stan", he shelled a peanut, popped it in his mouth, rolled the peanut on his tongue and balancing it there said,"Kevin's place".
Stan looked over his dark glasses, into the rear-view mirror, directly at Sal.
"I know, Stan," Sal offered quickly,"just let him know we're coming, no choice, he's got to see us."
Stan really loved being the driver for Sal Lorenzo. He ended up making all of the calls to the respective players within the organization. A couple of times he was questioned, accused of pretending to be calling on behalf of Sal. One time, Stan held the phone over his shoulder as he continued to drive. Sal said,"Stan, just head over to his bastin house so I can bust his head in", Sal sat back with a grin on his face as he listened to the frightened caller, quickly apologizing and excusing himself. Stan simply said, "Mr. Lorenzo will be in touch". The caller, Reggie, was left with the feeling that his life was now in danger, that Sal could arrive at his doorstep unannounced to pay his final respects. This feeling lasted for months, Reggie told everyone he met within the organization,"if Stan calls your ass all talkin' like he's Sal, just go with the damn thing or Sal's gonna kick your ass. Sal never did do anything to Reggie, but that was never his intention. Sal understood fear. He also understood the power of silence. Reggie would always be careful around Stan and Sal. Reggie would listen. Reggie would help others to listen, so Sal depended on Stan to be his mouthpiece. It took very little time before Sal's entire organization knew, if you got a call from Stan, it was important, if you got a call from Sal, it was vital to the perpetuation of your own life.
So the crew actually liked to hear from Stan. He was far more pleasant than Sal, and it actually seemed like he cared. Even when the call was about something unpleasant, Stan made it seem more palatable. He could deliver the message that you were about to get your left lung handed to you within the next ten seconds and you would thank him. He made everything seem like it had to be. Unfortunately, the left lung call was usually made by Sal, and he rarely bothered to call ahead.
"Phone", Stan said toward the dashboard. The dashboard answered, "number please?" "Kevin", Stan replied. The dashboard played a song that Blue had never heard, which was not unusual on this world, a song which he would later learn was written and performed by the Kevin Stan was calling, the Kevin they were all going to see.
"This is Kevin, leave a message", the phone responded.
"Hey Kev, Stan here", Stan began. A feint click could be heard from the dashboard.
"Hey Stan, Kev", a tired sounding voice answered.
"Kevin, Sal and I are on our way over with a couple of guys Sal wants you to meet", Stan continued,"We should be to your place in twenty."
"Varst", Kevin grumbled,"I haven't even had my coffee." Kevin was the ONLY person who grumbled to Stan. Kevin was the ONLY person who grumbled to Sal. The fact was, Kevin grumbled whenever he felt like it, to whomever he wished, simply because he didn't care whether he lived or died. Deep inside he did care, but his personality had become so accustomed to not caring that he immediately responded to anything from that place of lethargic disregard."Do I have to get dressed?" He asked, knowing that Sal wouldn't like waiting if the plan was to go anywhere.
Sal looked to Blue who shook his head slightly, indicating that Kevin would not be asked to leave his home, at least not right away. Sal brushed his hand toward the dash with a flick of the wrist, signalling Stan's response. "Don't bother Kev," Stan reassured,"it's no big deal".
"Kool," Kevin replied, Stan ended the call.
Kevin sat down on his favorite couch, dropped his head into his hands and whispered,"bastin' farbunkle", quietly, to himself. He hated Sal. Sal controlled everything that had to do with the entertainment industry in the entire eastern section of D4, the largest land mass in the union. Sal loved Kevin. He loved everything about him. He loved his music, his videos, his live performances, his grumpiness. Sal was not only the owner of Kevin's record label, he was huge fan. If Sal were ever to figure out the deeper meaning to Kevin's lyrics, however, that situation might deteriorate, just a bit.
Sal was stunned to be comfortably sitting on his ass, in his favorite limo, with his driver, Stan at the wheel. He relaxed into the ride, pulling a glass from the limo's china cabinet, he poured himself one, drinking it down with the relish of a dying man getting every possible last pleasure in, before passing on to Farb knows what.
"Let's go Stan", he shelled a peanut, popped it in his mouth, rolled the peanut on his tongue and balancing it there said,"Kevin's place".
Stan looked over his dark glasses, into the rear-view mirror, directly at Sal.
"I know, Stan," Sal offered quickly,"just let him know we're coming, no choice, he's got to see us."
Stan really loved being the driver for Sal Lorenzo. He ended up making all of the calls to the respective players within the organization. A couple of times he was questioned, accused of pretending to be calling on behalf of Sal. One time, Stan held the phone over his shoulder as he continued to drive. Sal said,"Stan, just head over to his bastin house so I can bust his head in", Sal sat back with a grin on his face as he listened to the frightened caller, quickly apologizing and excusing himself. Stan simply said, "Mr. Lorenzo will be in touch". The caller, Reggie, was left with the feeling that his life was now in danger, that Sal could arrive at his doorstep unannounced to pay his final respects. This feeling lasted for months, Reggie told everyone he met within the organization,"if Stan calls your ass all talkin' like he's Sal, just go with the damn thing or Sal's gonna kick your ass. Sal never did do anything to Reggie, but that was never his intention. Sal understood fear. He also understood the power of silence. Reggie would always be careful around Stan and Sal. Reggie would listen. Reggie would help others to listen, so Sal depended on Stan to be his mouthpiece. It took very little time before Sal's entire organization knew, if you got a call from Stan, it was important, if you got a call from Sal, it was vital to the perpetuation of your own life.
So the crew actually liked to hear from Stan. He was far more pleasant than Sal, and it actually seemed like he cared. Even when the call was about something unpleasant, Stan made it seem more palatable. He could deliver the message that you were about to get your left lung handed to you within the next ten seconds and you would thank him. He made everything seem like it had to be. Unfortunately, the left lung call was usually made by Sal, and he rarely bothered to call ahead.
"Phone", Stan said toward the dashboard. The dashboard answered, "number please?" "Kevin", Stan replied. The dashboard played a song that Blue had never heard, which was not unusual on this world, a song which he would later learn was written and performed by the Kevin Stan was calling, the Kevin they were all going to see.
"This is Kevin, leave a message", the phone responded.
"Hey Kev, Stan here", Stan began. A feint click could be heard from the dashboard.
"Hey Stan, Kev", a tired sounding voice answered.
"Kevin, Sal and I are on our way over with a couple of guys Sal wants you to meet", Stan continued,"We should be to your place in twenty."
"Varst", Kevin grumbled,"I haven't even had my coffee." Kevin was the ONLY person who grumbled to Stan. Kevin was the ONLY person who grumbled to Sal. The fact was, Kevin grumbled whenever he felt like it, to whomever he wished, simply because he didn't care whether he lived or died. Deep inside he did care, but his personality had become so accustomed to not caring that he immediately responded to anything from that place of lethargic disregard."Do I have to get dressed?" He asked, knowing that Sal wouldn't like waiting if the plan was to go anywhere.
Sal looked to Blue who shook his head slightly, indicating that Kevin would not be asked to leave his home, at least not right away. Sal brushed his hand toward the dash with a flick of the wrist, signalling Stan's response. "Don't bother Kev," Stan reassured,"it's no big deal".
"Kool," Kevin replied, Stan ended the call.
Kevin sat down on his favorite couch, dropped his head into his hands and whispered,"bastin' farbunkle", quietly, to himself. He hated Sal. Sal controlled everything that had to do with the entertainment industry in the entire eastern section of D4, the largest land mass in the union. Sal loved Kevin. He loved everything about him. He loved his music, his videos, his live performances, his grumpiness. Sal was not only the owner of Kevin's record label, he was huge fan. If Sal were ever to figure out the deeper meaning to Kevin's lyrics, however, that situation might deteriorate, just a bit.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Chapter 22 - TMF - Back with Leer
"!!!KILTSCH!!!"
"Who the BAST are you?" Sal hollered as he awoke with Blue and Leer standing over him.
"And WHAT in FARB'S name are you doing here", "!!!KILTSCH!!!"
Sal had just uttered the worst word known, twice. No one said it.
Sal felt liberated. Saying the word made him realize that there was no going back, he could do anything he wanted and it couldn't get any worse. He had tempted the fates to the extreme, all because a couple of strangers were hovering over him as he lay in a state of disorientation, confusion and pure vulnerability.
Unfortunately for Sal, neither man who hovered above him had the slightest idea that !!!KILTSCH!!! was an exceptionally powerful word and, as a result, neither one of them noticed that he had said it.
Their blatant disregard for the event only made Sal feel more vulnerable. Surely, if these two men felt absolutely nothing at the utterance of !!!KILTSCH!!! they were of the alliance to the almighty. While Sal was indeed one of the more enabled average, he knew his place in the order of things. If these visitors were actually from the Grand Circle, Sal was not willing to risk the consequences.
"Excuse me" Sal said, almost humbly, "why do you visit me?"
"We have a matter to discuss" Blue said in a very disinterested tone. "It will not take terribly long, but we are unable to remain, at the moment." Blue put a hand on Leer's shoulder and turned him toward the door. "Victor's dead Sal, we did all we could for him, ...and for Max. Remember, we have a matter to discuss." Blue and Leer walked out of the room. Immediately upon their departure, a nurse came in to check on Sal.
"How are we feeling, Mr. .... Loreeenzo... Lor en zo, oh.... excuse me... MR. LORENZO!, how are YOU feeliNG?
"Who were those men?" Sal asked the intimidated nurse.
"Men?, what men?" the baffled nurse replied.
Sal simply disregarded her, "How the Varst does a guy get the Bastin Farbunkle out of this SNEED!?!
Sal wasn't home for more than twenty minutes when every light in his abundantly, well-appointed, home , suddenly went out.
And just as suddenly, the lights turned on throughout the house, then back out. "We are keenly interested in making the aquaintance of your FARB. We do NOT have time for the council and therefore MUST see Farb PERSONALLY!!!"
Sal had aquainted himself with the attribute formerly known as cowering to the extent that most of his limbs just drifted behind him, leaving his heart fresh for the pecking of any attack.
"I - ah - I ", he stuttered his reply, " I can't really guarantee anything really, I mean, I'm not like", Sal had never backed away from anything but he was falling apart like over-steamed broccoli. Sal didn't want to admit it, but he had never actually seen Farb. Any time he asked those who had to answer him, once and for all, whether Farb was human or deity, they responded exactly the same way..."Farb has told us that he is to each one of us what we make of him." The voice which spoke to him, intimidated Sal in the exact same way that Farb did so Sal decided he had better come clean and tell the voice the truth. "I cannot get you to Farb".
"We are disappointed, Sal Lorenzo", said the voice as the house became darker still.
"B-b-but, eh-i - I think I know someone who can", Sal sensed that his life depended on knowing,"Yes! I am quite sure that I can help you."
"GOOD! Take us to him", the voice rang through the house through every one of Sal's acoustically perfect speakers.
"Now?" Sal sheepishly uttered in a pissed off sort of way.
"Well, if next week would be better,
!OF COURSE NOW YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!"
The voice was not only loud but perfectly annoying, like scratching on the inside of the skull with thousands of miniscule Japanese garden rakes.
Sal put his arms up in defeat," Okay, O K. I will take you right now."
Suddenly the lights turned on and the voice was gone.
"Where the Varst is my SECURITY???!!!" Sal screamed into the air looking maniacally from one door to the next in his spacious study. His eyes came to rest on the very door through which, Bigger Ralph, one of the toughest security staff members, was now hesitantly walking, an expression of pure humiliation on his face.
In an uncommonly polite and proper way Bigger Ralph announced in the voice he uses only with his mother that Sal had visitors. As Sal began to yell that he does NOT ACCEPT VISITORS IN to h is h ome at s u ch hours. . . Bigger Ralph gingerly stepped aside as Blue and Leer emerged from behind the massive yet paralyzed Bigger.
"Ready?" Blue said with a smile that told Sal that he had no choice but to be ready. Sal nodded his head as though it weighed about a hundred pounds yet was only anchored to his neck with a twist tie from a bread bag, after all of the bread had been eaten and the cat decided the twist tie wanted to be a play-toy for the better part of an hour.
Sal, who clearly wasn't ready, looked at Blue and Leer, he was beaten. He was fleeced, in his own home, surrounded by security, armed in every direction. Sal got a beautiful idea. Sal got a beautifully, beautiful idea. Sal got a " I can kill these bastards " beautiful idea. Sal walked to an end table in the corner of his study and opened the top drawer. "I just have to grab my keys", he said. Sal turned with the ferociousness of a captured lion, pointing the gun at the exact spot where blue had been standing. Blue was no longer there. Leer was no longer there. Bigger was there, shoulders shrugged, palms up, a distinct look of confusion upon his hardened face. He innocently pointed over Sal's shoulder. Sal turned in the direction indicated by the big man's finger to find Blue, smiling at him. When Sal moved to point his gun at Blue he discovered that both his hand and Blue's hand were holding the gun. Sal was incapable of moving the gun so he decided to let go of the gun and elbow Blue in the gut while within the same motion driving the heel of his authentic Schauktawnee moccasins into Blue's toes, while reaching over his shoulder to grasp Blue by the hair, throat or shoulder, quickly flipping him to the ground where he would then blast a hole, the size of a grapefruit, into his face.
Sal was unable to move. Blue remained smiling, just over his shoulder, Blue rapidly peeled off a string of shots into the wall, spelling out a single word, FARB.
"farb", Sal whispered,"right",he continued. "I'll take you".
"Who the BAST are you?" Sal hollered as he awoke with Blue and Leer standing over him.
"And WHAT in FARB'S name are you doing here", "!!!KILTSCH!!!"
Sal had just uttered the worst word known, twice. No one said it.
Sal felt liberated. Saying the word made him realize that there was no going back, he could do anything he wanted and it couldn't get any worse. He had tempted the fates to the extreme, all because a couple of strangers were hovering over him as he lay in a state of disorientation, confusion and pure vulnerability.
Unfortunately for Sal, neither man who hovered above him had the slightest idea that !!!KILTSCH!!! was an exceptionally powerful word and, as a result, neither one of them noticed that he had said it.
Their blatant disregard for the event only made Sal feel more vulnerable. Surely, if these two men felt absolutely nothing at the utterance of !!!KILTSCH!!! they were of the alliance to the almighty. While Sal was indeed one of the more enabled average, he knew his place in the order of things. If these visitors were actually from the Grand Circle, Sal was not willing to risk the consequences.
"Excuse me" Sal said, almost humbly, "why do you visit me?"
"We have a matter to discuss" Blue said in a very disinterested tone. "It will not take terribly long, but we are unable to remain, at the moment." Blue put a hand on Leer's shoulder and turned him toward the door. "Victor's dead Sal, we did all we could for him, ...and for Max. Remember, we have a matter to discuss." Blue and Leer walked out of the room. Immediately upon their departure, a nurse came in to check on Sal.
"How are we feeling, Mr. .... Loreeenzo... Lor en zo, oh.... excuse me... MR. LORENZO!, how are YOU feeliNG?
"Who were those men?" Sal asked the intimidated nurse.
"Men?, what men?" the baffled nurse replied.
Sal simply disregarded her, "How the Varst does a guy get the Bastin Farbunkle out of this SNEED!?!
Sal wasn't home for more than twenty minutes when every light in his abundantly, well-appointed, home , suddenly went out.
And just as suddenly, the lights turned on throughout the house, then back out. "We are keenly interested in making the aquaintance of your FARB. We do NOT have time for the council and therefore MUST see Farb PERSONALLY!!!"
Sal had aquainted himself with the attribute formerly known as cowering to the extent that most of his limbs just drifted behind him, leaving his heart fresh for the pecking of any attack.
"I - ah - I ", he stuttered his reply, " I can't really guarantee anything really, I mean, I'm not like", Sal had never backed away from anything but he was falling apart like over-steamed broccoli. Sal didn't want to admit it, but he had never actually seen Farb. Any time he asked those who had to answer him, once and for all, whether Farb was human or deity, they responded exactly the same way..."Farb has told us that he is to each one of us what we make of him." The voice which spoke to him, intimidated Sal in the exact same way that Farb did so Sal decided he had better come clean and tell the voice the truth. "I cannot get you to Farb".
"We are disappointed, Sal Lorenzo", said the voice as the house became darker still.
"B-b-but, eh-i - I think I know someone who can", Sal sensed that his life depended on knowing,"Yes! I am quite sure that I can help you."
"GOOD! Take us to him", the voice rang through the house through every one of Sal's acoustically perfect speakers.
"Now?" Sal sheepishly uttered in a pissed off sort of way.
"Well, if next week would be better,
!OF COURSE NOW YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!"
The voice was not only loud but perfectly annoying, like scratching on the inside of the skull with thousands of miniscule Japanese garden rakes.
Sal put his arms up in defeat," Okay, O K. I will take you right now."
Suddenly the lights turned on and the voice was gone.
"Where the Varst is my SECURITY???!!!" Sal screamed into the air looking maniacally from one door to the next in his spacious study. His eyes came to rest on the very door through which, Bigger Ralph, one of the toughest security staff members, was now hesitantly walking, an expression of pure humiliation on his face.
In an uncommonly polite and proper way Bigger Ralph announced in the voice he uses only with his mother that Sal had visitors. As Sal began to yell that he does NOT ACCEPT VISITORS IN to h is h ome at s u ch hours. . . Bigger Ralph gingerly stepped aside as Blue and Leer emerged from behind the massive yet paralyzed Bigger.
"Ready?" Blue said with a smile that told Sal that he had no choice but to be ready. Sal nodded his head as though it weighed about a hundred pounds yet was only anchored to his neck with a twist tie from a bread bag, after all of the bread had been eaten and the cat decided the twist tie wanted to be a play-toy for the better part of an hour.
Sal, who clearly wasn't ready, looked at Blue and Leer, he was beaten. He was fleeced, in his own home, surrounded by security, armed in every direction. Sal got a beautiful idea. Sal got a beautifully, beautiful idea. Sal got a " I can kill these bastards " beautiful idea. Sal walked to an end table in the corner of his study and opened the top drawer. "I just have to grab my keys", he said. Sal turned with the ferociousness of a captured lion, pointing the gun at the exact spot where blue had been standing. Blue was no longer there. Leer was no longer there. Bigger was there, shoulders shrugged, palms up, a distinct look of confusion upon his hardened face. He innocently pointed over Sal's shoulder. Sal turned in the direction indicated by the big man's finger to find Blue, smiling at him. When Sal moved to point his gun at Blue he discovered that both his hand and Blue's hand were holding the gun. Sal was incapable of moving the gun so he decided to let go of the gun and elbow Blue in the gut while within the same motion driving the heel of his authentic Schauktawnee moccasins into Blue's toes, while reaching over his shoulder to grasp Blue by the hair, throat or shoulder, quickly flipping him to the ground where he would then blast a hole, the size of a grapefruit, into his face.
Sal was unable to move. Blue remained smiling, just over his shoulder, Blue rapidly peeled off a string of shots into the wall, spelling out a single word, FARB.
"farb", Sal whispered,"right",he continued. "I'll take you".
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